Wild and Still Loved

You’re listening to Wild and Still Loved, a Fabled Audio original. This story is intended for mature listeners.

Chapter 1: Welcome to our court

My heels echoed through the foyer as I made my way out of the palace. Maids hurried around with soft chatter, voices raising in panic of all that had to be completed for today. The sounds meshed together until my head spun and I knew I needed to get out. Pulling up the skirts of my dress I hastily made my way down the steps and away from the noise that set me on edge. My gaze lifted to the cloudless sky for a mere second as the sun kissed my skin before turning to the garden before me. Roses, petunias, and towering walls of shrubbery made up half of the garden. This was a safe place for me at least. Safety from the noise, the incessant bickering of father and the royals who were making their way to the palace. My fingers brushed against the leaves as I made my way through the shrubs of the maze. If I closed my eyes I could still hear the laughter of my brother and I as children running through these winding paths. I turned and found myself in the middle of the maze that held a sanctuary my mother had made. Smiling, I thought about the raven-haired and hazel eyed woman that raised me. The woman I shared a reflection with. The one and only Princess Esmerelda would arrive soon and have everyone running after her. I rolled my eyes at the idea of my brother running after her. I made my way to the other side of the small garden that held pink and red blossoms spotting through the hedges. I sucked in a breath as the thoughts swirled around my head. The sheer amount of effort for one person. A person to marry another. My hand moved to my stomach that tied itself in a knot at the thought that one of these days it would be my turn to leave this place, my home, and wed. In a land that had never known my mother’s grace or gentleness to a man who would share zero commonalities with me. I shook my head in an attempt to think of anything but fate. Inhaling the sweet scent of florals that filled this slice of heaven. Tracing the curves of the browning petals on the rose before me, I plucked it from the stem. I turned and took a seat on the concrete bench hidden in the shade with the rose in hand. The sun danced across the sky until it settled overhead. The break away from the maids and my father a much-needed escape. My shoulders fell in defeat and my smile dropped as the façade I had carefully crafted crumbled within this tiny garden. With tired eyes I plucked the petals from the bud and let them fall one by one onto the pale blue dress. The last petal pulled free from the bud and fluttered to the ground. I felt myself drift away with my thoughts as a warm breeze swept past and rolled the bud from the bench causing it to tumble to the grass. The sound of Ryker’s calm voice calling me had me sitting up straight. He called my name a second time before his midnight hair came into view. “Loretta, I've been looking for you,” he stated. He frowned as he took in my fallen face. The same expression my father wore constantly. This was my favourite hiding spot, and he knew that I was only here for the sake of my own sanity. “You found me,” I replied defeatedly, shifting to the side as I patted the bench beside me, offering him a seat. He crossed his arms and for a moment I felt terrible for making him come here. Ryker hadn’t entered this garden since our mother’s passing four years ago. And yet whenever I found myself hiding within this little maze he was the one who got me to return to the palace whether that was for my own safety from the cold of winter or by father’s orders. “Esmerelda is here,” he said as he eyed me. “Good for her,” I replied flatly. “And father is looking for you,” he added. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Regret tapped against my ribcage. I never liked showing my emotions to Ryker. Not when he had a full plate of our father’s expectations himself. All the annoyance and frustration of today had gotten the better of me and I couldn’t help but let the poison spill in the form of responses. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stepped forward and sat beside me, nudging me with his arm. “Don’t be. Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head knowing I shouldn’t be pulling him into this when this weekend is about his marriage and Esmerelda. My eyes noted the genuine concern he held. He made it so easy to spill secrets. Always so kind and patient just like our mother. Shrugging my shoulders I attempted to drop the conversation and keep my attention on the blooming flowers before us. In all actuality I had no logical way to explain how I felt. While my father’s nonsense had been nothing new, it was Esmerelda that occupied my mind. My oldest friend before everything fell apart. I had not heard of her since we were teenagers and now she was here to marry Ryker. I struggled to suppress a smile at the memory of the two of us plotting to throw Ryker in the well after he dumped a bucket of water on us one summer. We were inseparable for the longest time. Then she started shutting me out and avoiding me. I sent letters. So many letters went unanswered and then one day the reply came in a single letter stating that she no longer wanted to talk to me, burned my letters and that was the end. The great fall of a friendship. The day my heart shattered. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other but maybe things have changed,” he said as if reading my thoughts. “Doesn’t matter,” my words felt small when I spoke out loud. It did matter. It hurt me and I did not have the capacity to be hurt again. Esmerelda was all I once had. Ryker was there but it didn’t come close to our friendship and the secrets shared under covers or playing in the garden. She was the one who I wanted to talk to when my mother passed. When that letter fell across my table, my heart shattered and refused to be pieced back together. “I won’t tell you what to do but just know that if it still hurts then it still matters.” I nodded along hoping that would be the end of that discussion. That I no longer had to think about it even though I would be seeing her every day. Just smile, nod and be perfect until the wedding is over and then I can hide away to my heart’s desire. Ryker stood with a groan. His limbs stretched out before him as he moved away from me. For a split second I contemplated staying out here until everyone went to bed but that would be asking for a scolding I had no energy for. Reluctantly I stood and lifted my dress to let the petals spill onto the ground. My mind begged me to stay, to not enter the palace and deal with the chaos, but the defeated look on Ryker’s face was all it took for me to follow. I couldn’t let him down or let him do this alone. He deserved better than me shying away while he dealt with everyone involved. If he could enter this space just to check on me then I could offer him the relief of not being alone today. It will be over before I know it. Right? Isn’t it funny the lies we tell ourselves to deal with discomfort? I gnawed on my lip as we moved through the maze and headed toward the steps. “You owe me big time,” I teased. “I will keep that in mind,” he said with a chuckle. I let out a breath as I felt my shoulders tense. Here we stood before the palace steps. It would be so easy to enter through the kitchen and hide. My attention turned to Ryker with a smile on his face and his head held high. He made it look so easy. To pretend. To perform. I plastered on the smile everyone expected and walked with Ryker to where our father stood with King Rutherford and Esmerelda. Ryker shook King Rutherford’s hand before turning towards Esmerelda and placing a kiss on her outstretched hand as he bowed. The sight of her had me stopped in my tracks. Her golden curls cascaded down her back. My heart sped up as I noticed the stark contrast between her pale skin and the green fabric of her dress. My mouth went dry as I attempted to swallow, my eyes moved until they got caught on her rose-tinted lips and the blush on her cheeks. She looked so vibrant, so filled with joy compared to me. The way she curtseyed and batted her lashes looked so effortless. I curtseyed as I greeted them. The sunlight hit her eyes making them shine emerald. I had become so lost in my observations that it took me a second to realize she had been visually taking me in too. I straightened and focused on King Rutherford as he droned on about my father looking for me. His features kinder than those of the man who raised me. The way he talked to Esmerelda hit me with a pang of jealousy. Ryker quickly explained to my father that I had just been in the garden. A united front that everyone loved to see. My hands pressed to my sides in an attempt to not fidget. Father’s eyes landed on me and his expression turned from kind to cold in an instant. Although the smile remained present it was not directed at me. He joked about me always being stuck in a daydream while wandering outside. King Rutherford laughed politely. Shifting from foot to foot I listened as they spoke to each other. As their attention turned to Esmerelda I felt like an outsider looking in on the people before me. For a moment I could let my mind drift off to childhood. To the golden-haired girl that made life bright with colour and laughter as children and darkened my days as teens. Her hands shifted, pulling my attention away from their faces as I noticed her intertwining her fingers. A nervous habit she had since we were kids. Father had quarters prepared for them, along with some ridiculous banquet to mark the celebration. He announced it all with the warm, gracious manner he saved for other people. Then he looked at me. The warmth vanished. His brown eyes hardened, and I knew that look well enough. It meant I was to stay exactly where I was put today. No wandering. No disappearing. No embarrassing him by having a mind of my own. A warning, dressed up as concern. I nodded because that was easier than giving him another reason to be angry.

Chapter 2: All is well in wine and whispers

I drew in a slow, deep breath, trying to quiet my mind. The empty halls upstairs felt almost haunting with its silence. No doubt that everyone already made their way to the dining room. I rubbed at my collarbone as my attention settled on the moonlight pooling into the halls through the open windows. Stepping forward my head tilted as I watched the stars dance around the moon. My tired mind was pleading with me to go to bed. Chewing on my bottom lip I sighed in defeat. “How does it feel to be wild and still loved?” I asked the moon, and when only silence greeted me I knew I had to go. I straightened my back and kept my expression neutral, even as my heart hammered wildly against my ribs. For a split second the urge to run overwhelmed me. As I reached the dining room a servant opened the door allowing the laughter to spill out of the space removing the silence that had accompanied me. Cautiously my feet carried me inside, earning the attention of everyone. The table was filled with florals, candles placed around them and ornate glassware filled with wine. My focus moved to Ryker who sat next to Esmerelda. He offered a sympathetic smile as I met Esmerelda’s green gaze in a solemn expression. I headed for my chair opposite Ryker, feeling my father’s harsh gaze and furrowed brows tracking my moves. A servant pulled out my chair, the scrape of its legs against the floor seeming far too loud in the sudden quiet. I lowered myself into it carefully, aware of every eye around the table, then folded my hands in my lap before anyone could notice the crescent marks my nails had carved into my palms. My apology for being late came out barely above a whisper. I fixed my attention on King Rutherford, anything to avoid the weight of my father’s stare. Rutherford waved it away with an easy joke about women taking too long to get ready, adding that it was something of a miracle Esmerelda had managed to arrive on time at all. I smiled. A pleasant, agreeable little smile while every part of me wanted to do the opposite. The chatter of the two kings across from each other made Ryker and Esmerelda’s conversation turn to hushed whispers while I sat silently eyeing the whole ordeal like a play put on just for me. Every few minutes father’s eyes darted to me, almost expecting me to say something useful and when I didn’t he continued his conversation. Esmerelda looked at me with a meek smile. Her brows twitching as she dropped her eyes to the table like she could see my hands trying to keep me calm. I shifted, pulling my hands away from each other and pressed my palms into the arms of the chair. Ryker moved closer to Esmerelda, whispering something into her ear and drawing her attention away from me. A soft giggle escaped her, and it shot like electricity through my limbs. We used to be like that. Secrets shared in whispers, private jokes, the easy kind of closeness I had once assumed would always be there. The memories pressed at the inside of my skull with almost deliberate cruelty, reminding me not only of what I had lost, but of how completely I had believed I would never lose it. My hand found the wine before sense had a chance to stop it, and I swallowed half the glass in one go. The richness of it spread warm across my tongue, and I closed my eyes for just a moment, letting the taste steady me. When I opened them again, Esmerelda was watching me over the rim of her own glass. Her eyes had darkened, the green turning deeper in a way that held me there longer than it should have. There was something almost dangerous in it, something I could have fallen into if I had let myself. Neither of us looked away. Then my father said my name, and the moment shattered. I sat back with my hand swirling the liquid in the glass with each swish of the wrist. He cocked his brow, awaiting my reply and I for the life of me have no idea what he had even said. Always some dreadfully boring questions filling up his mind. Some unknown things I must have the answer to. “Where’s your head?” he asked with a clipped tone. Well father since you asked, it is on the girl in front of me who used to braid my hair and dance in the garden with me. It’s with the girl who became my other half. It is with the girl who broke my heart and refused to talk to me, nor explain to me what I did wrong. The storm of words clawed at my throat but did not escape. “I was admiring the happy couple.” King Rutherford cooed in adoration at his daughter and Ryker. Seemingly happy with my response, but the split second of disbelief on my father’s face was enough to know this wasn’t what he wanted to know. Ryker, affected by King Rutherford’s words, threw together a string of compliments and showered them over the blushing Esmerelda. Lifting my glass I gave them a nod of approval. “May it be long and prosperous.” Even the words tasted sour on my tongue, but it was too late to take it back. The air had almost visibly shifted. Charged with something nervous or exciting. In acknowledgment Esmerelda raised her glass muttering some sweet speech as to how she planned to make both kingdoms proud in this union. Don’t groan. Don’t comment. For the love of all that is good just shut up. I bit my tongue. Why did she always know what to say? Like a built-in system to state wrong from right while I spat out whatever came to mind. “If you’re lucky, you might still find someone willing to build a decent union with you,” my father said, crossing his arms. “That is, if you can manage to stop wandering off every five minutes.” The scoff escaped before I could stop it. Instantly the energy turned volatile and I knew there was no way to return to what we had created before. “Is there something you’d like to say?” father asked with a raised brow. “Plenty with regard to marriage actually,” I noted and dropped my glass back on the table. If all goes wrong then I could always blame it on the wine. “Well enlighten us then.” Esmerelda suddenly interjected. My attention snapped to the girl across from me. The intensity in her features was enough to make my heart stutter and my words tangle in search of a reply. “Marriage in all actuality is nothing but a pretty cage to keep women locked away.” The silence settled over the room swallowing up all chatter as the focus shifted to me. I grabbed my glass once more, sipping on the wine before I continued. “There’s no room for love or passion when duty demands nothing more than keeping people civil enough not to slaughter one another.” Esmerelda winced. A small action that went unnoticed by almost everyone, but Ryker and I. Shame settled in my bones as to being the cause of it. Father’s glass gave a loud thud as he slammed it against the table, fluid whipping like a stormy ocean as it attempted to settle. His words turned into a mumble of curses and opinions. “Well aren’t you a morbid creature,” King Rutherford said with a hint of disdain. The soft personality he had so carefully displayed slipping. I let the comment fall on deaf ears only to notice the way Esmerelda’s shoulders slumped. “Must you always ruin a pleasant evening with your views?” father muttered. Ryker turned his head, glaring at our father but not daring to say a word. “You should count yourself lucky to have King Everley as your father. He could find you a good match despite all odds and sour personality.” King Rutherford spat. My heart broke so sharply I could almost hear it, like glass cracking under the force of a stone. I should have been used to him by now. Father had been cold since Mother died. The crown was the only thing that seemed to hold him together after that. Everything else had fallen away piece by piece. Even us. Silence settled over the room, thick and suffocating, while his words sank in. Father stared down at his empty plate. My eyes turned to Ryker. He looked exactly like father but filled with a gentleness I had forgotten. His eyes softened as he looked at me and mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’. My lips turned into a thin line as I nodded in understanding. He didn’t have to help. Nor did I expect him to. Not with everything he was trying to do right. I might be against the whole marriage ordeal, but I couldn’t ruin it for Ryker. He did not deserve it, not when all he had ever done was attempt to protect me and listen when no one else would. “I—” The single syllable fell from Esmerelda’s lips before she shook her head. “I think if there is a sliver of love anything is possible, even when you dislike marriage.” “You got lucky, Esmerelda.” The chair scraped against the floor as I stood. The sound exactly like the scream I held back. The wine warmed my entire body, everything feeling a little fuzzy as I stepped away. “May you all enjoy dinner,” I said as I left the table. My eyes lingered on Esmerelda for longer than intended before I exited the room with a rumbling stomach and aching heart.

Chapter 3: Confessions between pages

The wind caused the curtains to dance in the open window. The breeze drifted across the room and slivered over my skin, where I sat on the bed. A soft knock sounded through my room. Almost hesitantly I asked who it was, but no voice followed with an answer. The door opened revealing Esmerelda’s golden locks as she poked her head through the space. “I wanted to talk to you,” she whispered. I shifted on the bed, pulling my silk robe closed. “If this is about the banquet—” “It’s about us… in general.” Esmerelda interjected. My brow furrowed as I eyed the woman across the room. My teeth sunk into my lip as I mulled over my thoughts. “Please,” Esmerelda added. Esmerelda slipped inside, not waiting for permission, her golden locks messy, indicating that she had been unable to sleep too. Her black nightdress hugged her figure leaving little to the imagination. My mouth went dry at the sight. Hands fidgeting with the bow around my waist as Esmerelda closed the door behind her and made her way toward the bed. “I know how you feel,” Esmerelda started. “I don’t think that’s possible,” I replied with a humourless laugh. “Just… hear me out.” The firm tone in her voice made me nod. She crossed her arms, rubbing at the skin as I waited patiently for her to continue. I listened as she went on about how wrong it was of our fathers to treat me like that. How it wasn’t deserved and undeniably cruel. I sucked in a breath as she called love a luxury and not a guarantee. “You deserve better,” she finally announced. I didn’t want this conversation. Not with her. Not with anyone. “It doesn’t matter, Esmerelda. It’s just how things are.” She shifted on her feet for a split second. Cautiously she walked over until she stood right before me. I tilted my head back to look up at her. Softly her fingers brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face. The mere proximity would have me undone, but her touch was so soft. So careful. I didn’t want it to stop. Esmerelda leaned forward and in the sweetest voice I had ever heard she asked how she could make it up to me. I swallowed hard. “How?” “Let me take care of you,” Esmerelda whispered. I couldn’t speak. Not without messing it up. I’d spill secrets or ask questions that have plagued my mind since we were teens. Moments passed like an eternity before I slowly nodded. The closeness with her had made all that hatred slip through my fingers and now I had to stop myself from begging her to never let go. A smile tugged at Esmerelda’s lips, and my stomach turned traitor at once. Heat crept into my cheeks as her fingers brushed along my jaw. I leaned back without thinking, giving her more of my neck, and her touch followed. One fingertip traced slowly down my throat, light enough to make every inch of skin beneath it wake. When she asked if I trusted her, I could only nod. I did. Completely. My eyes slipped closed before I even realised I’d done it. My hands steadying me as I pressed into the mattress behind me. The controlled touch of Esmerelda’s hand around my throat made my mind hazy. A subtle squeeze and I gasped, eyes opening to look up at the girl I had missed more than anything. Using the control she had over me, she pushed me backwards until my back pressed against the bedframe. Our eyes didn’t dare wander off each other. Not even as Esmerelda straddled me and I felt the warmth of her skin against mine. She leaned forward, pressing closer against me as her lips traced a line over my jaw from ear to chin. Enough to make my heart race and before I could think of it my hands were on her thighs gripping the skin to make sure she was real. My hands slipped beneath her nightdress and made the fabric slip higher and higher until it pooled at her waist. My fingers pressed into the flesh to keep her there. Esmerelda removed her hand and a whine fell from my lips at the missing contact. She let her fingers trail down my chest to the bow of my silk nightgown and pulled it free. The slow, taunting movement almost enough to drive me insane. Her fingers dipped inside the hem of my nightgown, tugging the fabric away from my tanned skin and causing my chest to rise and fall quicker than before. It slipped from my shoulder allowing Esmerelda to kiss from the crook of my neck down to the shoulder as her hand caressed my collarbone. “You are stunning.” The fabric fell from my frame leaving me bare beneath Esmerelda. I shivered, hands moving to Esmerelda’s hips and giving a squeeze before they moved to her ass. “Esme,” the nickname slipped as if no time had passed between them. My eyes closed as she savoured the feeling of Esme’s hands. Fingers traced my curves. “More, please Esme. I need—” Her lips crashed onto mine. Our bodies melting at the touch. Esme moved, pulling my legs apart and settling between them, causing my hands to move from their place on her. Instead my fingers tangled in her locks and angled her head until I could deepen the kiss and my tongue moved over hers. She pulled back and I watched her, half stunned. Her teeth dug into her lip, and I whined wishing it was my teeth marking her flesh. A giggle slipped from Esme. Achingly slow she dragged her fingers between my breasts and over my stomach making me arch into the touch and buck my hips. “You want more?” she teased. I nodded frantically. “Tell me what you want.” Esme’s hand moved between my thighs, teasing me without coming close to where I ached to be touched. “Touch me,” I stuttered. Esme’s fingers moved through the wetness that gave my hunger away. A whine escaped me as I finally took Esme’s fingers and pressed them where my desire throbbed. “Here!” Thunder rattled the windows. I shot up in bed, gasping for air as I looked around my room, rubbing my chest where my heart threatened to tear through. My body tingled at the memory of Esme’s touch. Esme… I haven’t called her that in years. Yet it tumbled out of me like the most natural thing in the world. I slipped from the bed, pulling the robe over my nightdress. Focusing on the thunder outside I watched raindrops splattered across the window. The candle I had brought to bed had melted into a puddle on the porcelain plate. It felt so real. Too real. I opened the door and headed out of my room. It was just a dream. I shook my head, willing myself to focus. It was just a dream. I headed down the hall with the memory of Esme’s lips and fingers burned into my memory. The ghost of her touch haunting me. I padded barefoot toward the library. Thunder rattled the windows with the same rage I had felt earlier tonight. My fingers brushed against the door, pushing it open just enough to slip inside. In the dark room I let my fingers brush against my neck where she had held me. I shivered remembering the dream, feeling the heat settle over my body once more. A sliver of light glinted through the curtains. My hands settled on the wet windowpane. Calm down. This is hardly something to get so worked up over. Each time I closed my eyes I saw her. Hands on me. Felt her lips against mine. That haunting voice and sweet giggle. A familiar voice sounded behind me. I turned to be met with Esme’s bewildered eyes and shivering body. I closed the windows without so much as another word. “I just needed air.” I should leave. I’m leaving. I chewed on my lip for an uncomfortable minute before I headed for the door. “Wait,” she whispered as her hand clasped around my wrist and held me in place. “I don’t want to be alone,” her voice had turned almost pleading. “Do you want to talk?” I asked as I made my way to the couch, watching as she stood in the middle of the room, lit by a single candle. My body curled in on itself. Taking up as little space as possible as Esme took a seat across from me. I had forgotten how easily storms shook her. She played with the ends of her hair as she pressed her body against the back of the couch. “Why are you awake?” she finally asked. Well, funny story. I was dreaming of you with your hands all over me and wishing it was reality and here we are. “Bad dream,” I settled on as my eyes darted to her lips. I moved my head entirely to the shelves across from us as I attempted to clear my throat. “Oh,” the small sound almost sounded wrong coming from her. “About dinner—” we both said in union. Everything affected me at this point. A blush blossomed over my cheeks. “You go first.” “It was wrong of them to attack you,” Esme whispered as if she was scared the walls would hear her. “I also would be against it. I mean… I am but it isn’t my choice in the matter.” “I’ve never loved a man that way,” I confessed. I shouldn’t have said that… that was wrong. I cursed at myself for letting my guard slip so easily with her. Esme’s eyes darted between mine. Chewing on my bottom lip I felt too exposed with my words hanging in the air. I groaned, I was messing up more than usual. My hand moved as I pressed it against my temples. “Where did we go wrong?” “What do you mean?” Dropping my hand defeatedly I look back at her. “I mean, when did we stop caring and become strangers? Why did you get distant? Why whenever I dream it is still just you and me and I can’t remove the feeling of your lips on mine.” With tired eyes I watched Esme’s reaction. Her cheeks blushing. “I shouldn’t—” I started as Esme leaned closer. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as we sat an inch away from each other. “Kiss me.” My hands cupped Esme’s face, caressing the skin as I pressed our lips together. Esme pulled back, gasping as she looked at me, her eyes darker than before. The sound of the storm outside was nothing more than background noise as we sat in each other’s company with interlocked fingers. “I’ve always looked at you like that,” Esme stated and for a moment I was certain our future had been altered.

Chapter 4: Is this truly what you want?

Her words from last night echoed in my mind. Pacing. It’s all I’ve done since I’ve been back in my quarters. Sleep couldn’t take me if it tried. I can’t help but reminisce at the feeling of Esme’s head in my lap, my fingers brushing through her golden strands while she drifted off to sleep. Nothing had felt quite as right as her in my embrace. Her lips on mine. Her sweet perfume clung to me and made my brain fuzzy. My eyes stuck to the shelves across from us in the early morning, wondering how life would’ve been if it were fair. Us in gowns, dancing until our feet ached. Stealing glances at parties and touching each other in crowded rooms. Worshipping each other in bedrooms where the walls wouldn’t dare speak out about our love. I pressed my fingers to my lips feeling tingles. If I closed my eyes and imagined hard enough her emerald eyes could be engraved in my memory and maybe that could be enough for a lifetime. My pacing came to a halt at the sound of whispers right outside my door. ‘Oh a garden wedding is just lovely, isn’t it?’ ‘The king is still fuming after the dinner. I bet he’d do anything to get this wedding over with and deal with the princess.’ I winced at the comment. ‘Heard he’s received correspondence so there must be some news.’ I clamped a hand over my mouth as I gasped. Stepping back it felt as though the clock of my freedom had started ticking faster than before. My hand fell to my side as my palms became sweaty. The thought of my fate already being sealed without my consideration put my nerves on edge. I swallowed hard attempting to mask the fear with anger. The same anger that had taken hold of my father and refused to let go. I pulled open the door to be greeted with the wide-eyed stares of the maids. As they curtseyed with hushed ‘good mornings’. “Morning ladies,” I greeted with a nod. Forcing myself to place a smile on my face despite the ache in my chest. “Has anyone seen Esmerelda this morning?” I placed my hands behind me as I fiddled with my fingers. “She asked us to show her to a quiet corner. We took her to the parlour,” the brunette commented. “Did she seem distraught?” I blurted out. The maids turned to each other. Each looking more confused than the last. “I feel terrible for yesterday so I would just like to apologize to her,” I lied. “Of course, Princess.” Their monotone reply gave me clear indication that they were simply waiting for me to leave. As I reached the parlour doors my mind played tug of war with my heart. I grasped the handle and slowly opened the door to be met by Ryker’s unmistakable voice. He soothed Esme with a promise to look after her. The pure emotion in his voice made this even worse. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I can’t let him marry her without talking to Esme about last night. I stepped inside and pressed my back against the solid door as I closed it behind me. Both of them turned to face me, the pure shock on their face evident as they stepped apart. He gave her arm a gentle squeeze before asking me if I was alright and I could barely manage a nod. He cocked a brow seeing my uncertainty. “I need to speak to Esmerelda if you don’t mind.” His features scrunched. I turned my attention to Esme. “If you’d let me, of course.” Ryker turned to Esmerelda watching for any sign of discomfort before turning back to me. My stomach knotted at the sight, but I kept my composure as best I could. “What changed from our conversation in the garden yesterday?” Realization washed over me as I remembered our discussion. A nervous laugh escaped my lips. “I… I came to my senses.” Ryker watched me with the intensity of a hawk. Awaiting my tells of lying but I didn’t give him the satisfaction. I stood perfectly still and waited. Taking it as his cue Ryker slipped out of the room leaving us standing there with the weight of the world pressing onto us. We watched each other until the door closed and we were left alone. “Care to share?” Esme stepped forward. Shaking my head I explained to her that the maids said I could find her here. “Loretta, what did you say about me in the garden?” I mulled over every idea, every lie, every stupid thing I have thought. I couldn’t have been more wrong. “Nothing good.” Esme’s face fell. “You still hate me.” “No,” I replied instantly. “That’s not—” “It’s fine if you hate me” Esme interrupted. I groaned as I grabbed Esme’s face between my hands and kept her still in an attempt to get her to listen. “I do not hate you. You are infuriating, and annoying and I cannot get you out of my head.” “You might as well hate me then,” Esme whispered. Her hands landing over mine but making no attempt to remove them from her cheeks. My eyes darted to her lips, thumb brushing over the pink flesh before focusing back on those emerald eyes. A tear spilled and tainted her cheek. The sight alone hurt me. I wiped at it, trying to take away all her pain in a single caress. Everything that bothered me came out at once. Her leaving, her pulling away and shutting me out. How I would have her as a friend because at least to some capacity I would still have her. Esme stuttered out a reply about having no choice. As if this was logical when it was the most irrational thing to me. The most devastating. “How can you say that?” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion. “I was falling. I was falling for you so quickly it almost felt like I was soaring high above the clouds.” Esme sniffled. The words as sweet as they were felt like a dagger being twisted in my chest. I stumbled back, pulling away even though I had never wanted to hold her more in my life. “I wanted you more than a friend and I knew I couldn’t. I knew it would be the death of both of us. And you were so kind,” she started. “So, so kind that it hurt me to hurt you.” “You hurt me so much,” I confessed. Esme’s hands moved to my waist. “I thought that you’d give up on me. If I did enough damage you would hate me and I could at least rid myself of these feelings, but it never came.” “I thought you needed help. I would have been a terrible friend if I left you alone despite it all.” I shoved the golden strands away from Esme’s tear-stained face. Esme leaned closer into my touch. “That’s why I had to leave. It was the only way to stop those feelings.” “And?” My eyes darted between Esme’s. “And what?” “Did it stop them?” my voice had grown softer. While my head pleaded silently that it wasn’t that easy to remove those feelings. Esme shook her head slowly. “They never left.” She pulled me flush against her body. My body melted against Esme’s. “Kiss me. Please,” I begged just above a whisper. Esme’s hold on me loosened as she pulled away stating all the reasons why it wouldn’t work. She shook her head, tears spilling as she pleaded for me to understand but everything echoed. Listing reason after reason as to why it would be a bad idea. I pressed, begging once more for her to kiss me as she whispered about how she wanted nothing more. And then the deafening sound of silence swallowed us. The conversation came to a halt. Esme shook her shoulders as a shaky breath fell. She muttered out how she needed to get ready for her wedding and I couldn’t help but scoff. “You can’t truly want this.” Esme didn’t respond. She shifted on her feet for a mere second before she stepped forward and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. “I don’t… but I have to.” Stunned, I stood in the middle of the room as Esme left. As the door closed and the silence flooded the room my knees buckled. Palms slammed against the floor as I crumbled in on myself. A sob pulled from my ribcage with an ache so close to death I thought the earth would swallow me whole. “I can’t lose you again,”

Chapter 5: I’ll follow wherever you go

The bells announced the reality of the situation at noon. I would lose the only person I have ever loved in a few hours. I dragged myself back to my chambers with zero appetite and no patience for people. I had skipped dinner last night, begging a servant to tell father I was too ill and didn’t want anyone to catch it before the big day. I stared at my reflection. The memories of last night halting as a servant clasped a necklace around my neck. With a small thanks I dismissed them from the room. My eyes burned and shoulders dropped. The sheer amount of effort needed to pretend today would kill me. I had been turned into a vision of perfection with diamonds and blossom shaped pins keeping my hair neat. The pink dress felt suffocating. I wanted to rip it all off. Stepping away from the mirror, a firm knock rapped and my father’s voice sounded through the door. Having half the mind to ignore him I watched as the doorknob turned but the door did not open. I sighed and told him to enter. His deadpan expression filled me with dread. My lips twitched in an attempt to smile. He muttered about how I didn’t look sick at least. I nodded along as he spoke until my eyes landed on the black envelope in his hand. My jaw tensed as I pointed to it, asking just above a whisper what it was. He looked down, fingers twitching as he handed it to me, urging me to read it. My fingers brushed over the white wax seal with a crest I had not been familiar with and time slowed. I opened the envelope with shaky hands as I read the contents. I shook my head. Marriage arranged, date saved, fate sealed. My lips trembled as I pleaded for him to reconsider. He lifted a hand to silence me with a final note of how I should be thankful before he headed out the door leaving me. I had no idea if this man would be cruel or kind. My stomach knotted and bile threatened to raise in my throat. I clutched the paper tight until it crumpled in my fist. With a strangled scream I ripped the paper to shreds watching it fall like ashes to the carpet. I refuse. I pulled up my stuffy dress and headed out of my room. The door slammed as I exited and stomped down the wooden staircase in a fury. My vision blurred at the sides as I headed down the hall, barely recognizing the figure at the end of the hall. Ryker’s voice called for me in the distance, but it was the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted Esme. I needed her. He stopped in front of me, forcing me to slow down and talk to him. I could barely manage steady breaths as he asked questions. Nothing that made sense. Shaking my head I whispered that I needed air. My hand pressed against my stomach that ached with dread. After a beat he offered to join me and I stepped back. I can’t. I can’t do this. “I just need… I’ll be back.” “If you find Esme could you bring her back with you?” I froze. Finally looking at him, seeing his flustered state. “She’s missing?” “Said she needed to take a walk.” My eyes moved to the floor as I racked my brain for where she could be hiding. If my memory served correctly I remember her always wanting to stay in the greenhouse, but I couldn’t tell Ryker. Not when I needed to see her. “I’ll… I’ll see what I can do.” He squeezed my shoulder in a gentle attempt to give me reassurance. “If all else fails, find me and we’ll take a walk, okay?” “Okay,” I whispered. With that I made my way to the exit, feet moving with urgency.. My palm rubbed against my chest in an attempt to calm myself. My eyes landed on the greenhouse, wrapped in ivy and bathed in the glow of sunlight. A slit in the doorframe was the clear indication I needed that someone had entered. That Esme had entered. “Hello?” I questioned as I pressed against the door. It squealed as it swung wide open. “I’ll be there in a moment. Just give me a second.” The sound of Esme’s panicked voice had me holding my breath. Cautiously I approached. Surrounded by blooms of purple and red stood Esme. Her locks shimmering in the sunlight, the white dress she wore making her look even more ethereal than she usually did. Goddess. Angel. Perfection. “Wow,” the word slipped out. “I said give me a—” Esme froze when she saw me standing in the greenhouse with her. She swallowed the rest of the sentence. “Are you okay?” “Are you?” I countered, approaching Esme cautiously, taking her in entirely. Esme offered a shaking hand, and it was the only response I needed before I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her trembling body. For a moment I didnt care if she hugged me back or not, as long as she didn’t push me away. Finally, Esme’s arms wrapped around me and her head pressed against the crook of my neck. The smallest ‘I can’t do this’ fell from her lips. I pressed a kiss against her hair as I tried to tell her that she didn’t have to. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I confessed how my own fate had been sealed. That I was to be shipped off to nowhere with people we barely spoke to and had to make the best of the situation. “I guess that’s it then, we surrender to what we have been told to do,” she whispered against my neck before letting go of me and heading for the door. Standing frozen in my spot it took a moment to register. “What? Where are you going?” “To marry your brother.” No! My heart squeezed. I stood frozen, unable to move from my spot as Esme grabbed the door. “Run away with me!” The words hung heavy in the air as Esme’s head turned slowly to look back at me as if I had gone completely mad. Maybe I had. “Are you crazy?” “Well, yes,” I responded. Freedom felt easy. Being mad or crazy was truly a freeing experience or so I had noticed. A smile settled on my face, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world as I moved toward Esme. “Are you serious?” Esme asked with brows high on her face. “Deadly,” I replied as I took her hands. “So, what do you say?” Esme pulled her lip between her teeth and I felt her heart stop as I waited for a response. “Care to be free with me? We can start over where no one knows us and have a warm bed and laughter and that could be enough.” Esme’s hand squeezed mine, grounding me in this moment with her. “I’ll follow where you go.” My heart fluttered with a lightness that felt just like floating. I brought Esme’s hand to my lips and placed a kiss against it. “Let’s go now.” Esme nodded. “Lead the way.” The bells rang again behind us, calling for a wedding that would never happen. For two princesses who would not be there when anyone came looking. We ran deeper into the dark forest with nothing but each other, and for the first time in my life, I did not feel lost. I felt wild. I felt loved. And beneath the moonlight, that was enough.